Perspective

This week has been tough for so many reasons. We are fine. Everyone is healthy. Stress at work. Tax season. Life in general session. Sort of like someone pressed the fast forward button and it stuck. Makes me wonder (once again) why we are not given a manual at birth to figure out a lifetime. (Maybe with pictures and catchy rhymes...)

When I find myself in a week like this ... It is easy to feel sorry for myself. In quiet moments of reflection I put myself in timeout. Life is what it is and somehow we survive.

Sometimes bad things happen to us. They do. It happens. "Good" or "Bad" (however this is determined) life does not discriminate.

There are days I wish things were different. Truly. That the world (my world) would settle down and remain consistent. Calm waters and smoothe sailing. Seems like it should happen..... at least for a while.

A nun, whom I respect and like, asked me how I was doing. Just being polite. A common phrase, "how are you today" awaiting the expected "I am well." So I was agreeable.

She smiled widely. "You must have been extra good then. Doing good things leads to many wonderful blessings."

For a moment I just stared at her. Wide eyed my mouth sprang open. If this were true ... then what terrible thing did I do to have 4 micro preemies and lose a child? Just for a moment. Not for long. A fraction of a second.

Blessings do abound in my life. Wonderful things that would not have happened. Wisdom I would not have had my life not run this course.

*My husband is a wonderful father. Patient, kind and loving whenever he cares for the kids. They love to play games with him. My heart fills with happiness when I watch them together.

*I am capable of dealing with more than I ever dreamed I would be asked to. Seldom do I rant that "this is not supposed to be" ... It is and I am. Resourcefulness, courage and determination abound. Before I had no idea how important these skills would prove to be.

*Disability is only a word. A person's ability is what matters. Benjamin has incredible ability. People are drawn to him. Through grins and giggles he teaches adults to be accepting and more carefree.

*When my children were born we were told all the things they likely would never do. If they survived. Through a lot of work, prayer and help ... I sit back and watch Ben, Callie, and Donovan in amazement. Truly the tiny people they are ... who they are becoming .... It is inspiring.

*By working inside an NICU with families .... I feel like my experiences lift (even if just slightly) the burden of parents and grandparents currently experiencing their baby's hospitalization. This is rewarding and healing. When their eyes smile and their faces light up ... Those are the moments that make my work life worth while.

So blessings to each of you. Whatever way each comes to you. However they look once they arrive.

This week has been challenging. No way around it. One of those spectacular weeks that startle you. I am still dazed.

How important it is to remember what has worked out just fine.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week.

Easter, Church, and True Life (Three Parts)

Spring Cleaning

Brett and I have tackled major household chores this week. No fun at all but seriously needed. Containers were opened, contents were taken out, garbage cans were filled, and more room was created.

The kids began to worry. "Momma ... where are you putting all the stuff?" and "Oh Momma ... you are getting rid of my clothes."

Had to be done. No way around it. Spring cleaning sprung!

Brett reorganized the basement. I tore apart and pieced together the kids' closets and our bedroom. Together we dug through boxes (mostly work) stored in the butlers pantry.

Floors were mopped, rooms were vacumed, and chipped paint (we have a paint chipping problem) was chipped all the way off. Bit by bit I began feeling like I could breathe again.

Through this I realized how far we have come since my children were born devastatingly premature. There was once a time when we did not laugh about any of it. Everything was taken so seriously. Our skin (especially mine) was sooooo thin.

Brett found the urn that once held Alex's ashes. He sat him on the dining table and walked away. I stopped in front of it and stared at Brett. He smiled and shrugged, "I found Alex."

It may sound morbid. There truth is .... Alex is as much a part of our family ... Through our love for him. Even the children speak about him in a conversational way. For us we integrated our loss into our life. We are able to laugh.

Benjamin was "hiding" in a see through container. It was empty. He thought if he put the top on top no one would see him.

Callie walked passed. "I see you Ben. Momma said stay out of her box."

Laughing, Ben scampered away.

I turned to Brett. "Sweetie, did you see that. Our legally blind little boy thought we could not see him in a clear, plastic container."

We laughed. Not in a cruel way. Once upon a time we never would have laughed at *anything* about Ben's eyes. No way. No how. It would not have happened. Together we have embraced the truth that while Ben is legally blind ... it does not change who he is ... a delightful little boy filled with giggles.

All in all it was another way of clearing the cobwebs of our quadruplets devastatingly early start. We laugh a lot together as a family. After all ... I believe it is our sense of humor that brought us to today. Laughter is a gift.

Please check out my fundraising walk page at: http://www.marchforbabies.org/4middletonkidlets

March for Babies: Enough

Hello Everyone,

I know it has been a little while since I've last blogged. Today I want to share a story with you. Then I want to ask for your support as my family joins the March for Babies!


The first time I saw my quadruplets was on ultrasound.

Weekly ultrasounds meant I saw my babies throughout pregnancy.

Even then I was learning how to be a Mother. It is amazing how much they already were teaching me. The love that flowed through my veins and into each of our hearts.

When Baby D sucked his thumb I cooed in the high pitch language of Mother’s that mystifies the scientific world.

When Baby A separated himself from the rambunctious

kickboxing of Baby C and D I worried about potential outcomes.

When Baby B crawled beneath my ribs and stayed I began to understand loving my children would sometimes be painful.

Because I saw thumbs sucked, in-utero squabbles and fetuses that moved...I ato imagined caring for four babies at home. I saw four cribs, four swings, four bouncy seats and four stuffed teddy bears.

Laying in bed with a monitor across my belly I thougth about the future.

At Easter time four chubby legged babies would toddle around the backyard searching for colored eggs. On birthdays four smiling faces would peer excitedly over smartly wrapped gifts.

I dreamt of the active life our family would enjoy together. Spring
echoed baseball games. Summer splashed with swimming meets. Fall frolicked in freshly raked leaves. Winter pounced with snowball fights.

Near my 25th week of pregnancy my high risk OB sighed heavily as he sat down on my bed. "Melissa, have you had enough of being
pregnant?"

I shook my head viloently. Enough is not enough. Enough never would be.

Please check out my fundraising walk page at: http://www.marchforbabies.org/4middletonkidlets